Your Eyes Forever Glued To Mine
by TillThatTime
Summary: His body is so close to mine and I can feel the anger radiating off him, the heat of it crashing down on me, and it provokes something inside me, causes my eyes to widen, and in that moment I wonder… Is this what it’s like to feel alive? Yaoi! Zero/Aidou


**A/N**: Hello everyone, I'm TillThatTime. I've written many fics in several different fandoms but this is my first for Vampire Knight, so I am quite excited. I look forward to hearing your feedback on this story, and truly hope you enjoy. This first chapter is a prologue and therefore a bit on the short side. Other chapters will be significantly longer.

The title is taken from the Placebo song entitled "Blind"

**Warnings**: Will eventually contain graphic yaoi. If you don't like…wait, why in the hell did you click on this story in the first place?

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"If I could tear you from the ceiling, I'd freeze us both in time and find a brand new way of seeing your eyes forever glued to mine"

- "Blind"

Your Eyes Forever Glued To Mine

I've been deluding myself for years.

It's true, every waking moment that I spend is an almost masturbatory bundle of false emotions that I store away in nice little metaphorical drawers, only to be released in a flurry that seems erratic to everyone around me. Only, I know better. I know full well that every fit of emotion that I have would only be replaced with a disaffected nothingness if I tried to shoot for any type of realism. Of course I know all of this, I'm a genius after all.

So, why do I do it?

Why do I force out this endless supply of human emotions? All of them extreme, flamboyant and over the top, when truly, and only if I bother to take the time to admit it to myself, I feel as dead as all those bullshit legends about my kind leads those idiotic humans to believe. Yet, even when I come to this realization, that I force myself to feel, I cannot muster enough interest to feel bothered by it. The feeling of death should terrify me, shouldn't it? However, I'm only left with…disinterest.

So, why do I bother with it?

Well, I guess it's because it's expected of me. Duty is something I understand better than anything else. It really is a pity that I can't be nearly as rebellious as everyone believes me to be. I wonder if life would be easier if I could just say "fuck it" to expectations and hole myself up in this nothingness that seems like it would be just so blissful to sink into.

Ha, that was rather poetic, wasn't it?

I guess it's quite amazing that I can do that, isn't it? That I can approach the very depths of my mind with such an analytical eye, that I cannot help but to think of beautiful and meaningless…detached words to describe myself. I look at my life like a scientist dissecting something and come off sounding like fucking Shakespeare. Brilliant. I should write a book, I really should. The Little Vampire Who Felt No Feelings. That would sell, wouldn't it? An instant hit, right? An autobiographical tale, so thought-provoking, so despair-ridden, and all of it- my life handed on a silver platter- for the entertainment of others. They would eat it up. I would have thousands of adoring fans coming to give me their condolences, their sympathy, and their pity. God, the pity, there would be enough for me to swim in it…drown in it.

But then of course there is that small detail that our existence is supposed to be kept hidden from the majority of mankind. And, of course, along with the thousands of adoring fans, the hunters would come as well, and I doubt their pity would be nearly as great in retrospect.

I should probably laugh at that. It's not like I was actually thinking of writing a book in the first place. I have no time for such petty things like indulging myself.

Que sera sera.

…

It's for Kuran Kaname. Or rather, Kaname-sama. That's the only excuse I can really give. Because, If I did care about anything in this world, it would be him…or rather, it is him. He expects me to be hot tempered, he expects me to hate Cross Yuuki, he expects me to yell and flail and play charmingly to those idiots that devote their affections to me. He may scold me for it, he may punish me, slap me, pretend it angers him, and in some ways it might, but I know in his world of darkness it gives him a sense of comfort. The normalcy, however much of annoyance that it provides, grounds him, shows him that some things are unchanging. In his world of prestige and dignity and torture, it is the only thing I can give him. I'm no fool…I never was.

Yet, it is actually nearly impossible to get me angry. I'd have to care enough in the first place. I also don't give one damn about showing those adolescent girls that I enjoy their affections. And Cross Yuuki…loves Kaname-sama, how can I fault her for that? And if she brings him happiness, why should anything else matter?

I would have never won the battle for Kaname-sama affections. I had lost before I had even begun. There is no longer jealousy, no longer hate, no longer a sense of longing. Only that sense of unwavering duty, no matter how small it may be.

And that is why I am such a fucking good actor.

So, I'll sway in this endless sea of facades, because I'd be lost without it, and I'll yell and laugh and be mischievous as ever through the numbness, because I am a pawn, plain and simple.

And I was content with this…perfectly content to live my life in this manner…until he rudely interrupted it.

Kiryuu Zero.

That son of a bitch.

I stumbled upon him one night while walking on the school grounds. I wasn't really supposed to be, of course, but everyone expected me to anyways. I caught sight of him immediately, though there was really no need, considering anyone within a 20 meter radius would be able to hear his ragged breathing.

There he was, leaning against the bark of a tree, panting and gagging. Sweat was pouring off of him and his silver hair clung almost lovingly to his forehead. It was really a pathetic sight in all actuality. It only took me a moment to notice the blood pill laying half dissolved on the ground beside him where he had coughed it up.

Kiryuu was a vampire, or rather a human turned vampire. The lowest of our kind. I knew this, I had known it for awhile. You know, things aren't really hard to figure out if people would actually take the time to notice the details.

I cleared my throat, and he was jolted from his daze and his head turned sharply up towards me, his eyes narrowing instantly when he saw who it was, and in a flash he had his Bloody Rose pulled out and aimed directly at my chest.

I wasn't fazed.

"You're so scary, Kiryuu-kun." I mocked him and he growled from his position on the ground. "It's a shame isn't it, Kiryuu…that you can do nothing to stop yourself from becoming the type of monster that you hate so much. You're pathetic, I'm sure you're aware." Ah, this I was familiar with. This type of verbal torture. From the moment he saw me, he expected me to be cruel to him, and I'm not one to disappoint.

His eyes cast downwards for a moment, the words hitting him fully, but then he did something that I had not really expected from him.

"You know what I see when I look in your eyes?" I paused for a moment before cocking my head to the side in feigned interest. "I see nothing. I don't understand how someone could act the way you do when their completely dead inside. Which one of us is really pathetic?"

I'm…stunned. Truly and utterly surprised by his words. How could he have known?

In my moment of shock he is on his feet with a slender hand wrapped around my throat. I don't struggle, I don't care to. I look into his lavender eyes and I can see the emotion in their depths. True anger, true despair. He is everything that I am not in that one singular moment. His body is so close to mine and I can feel the anger radiating off him, the heat of it crashing down on me, and it provokes something inside me, causes my eyes to widen, and in that moment I wonder… Is this what it's like to feel alive?

As he stares back at me, I don't say anything, because for the first time in as long as I can remember I don't know exactly what to say.

He holds my gaze for a moment longer before leaning down to whisper in my ear, his breath hot against my skin.

"If you tell anybody about what you saw, I will not hesitate to kill you…Aidou-Sempai"

Then his fingers leave my throat and I am left cold once more as I watch his retreating back, wondering what in the hell could have just happened.


End file.
